Richard the Ninth trusted no one, especially himself. This led to serious conflagrations when he spent time alone and had things to say. His mouth stayed closed and his thoughts bottled up as he was always certain that the moment he spoke, the fool that was he would call him a liar and said fool, thinking himself shrewd, would think himself a liar. So the night would proceed until Richard the Ninth would fall asleep with great dissension between he and himself.
Richard the Ninth bought a pound of flour because he sought something beautiful in his life. This was another unwitting adventure for Richard the Ninth in the world of homonyms. Upon asking for flowers, he was directed by a willingly unhelpful store clerk to the baking supplies. The bag of flour was thrust upon him, which he purchased with some confusion, and then took home to place in a vase next to a print of Starry Knight, a fur air freshener, and a stuffed guerilla. He was mostly unimpressed with the flour, but thoroughly enjoyed his supper of stake and muscles.
Believing companionship to be the next vital step in his maturity Richard the Ninth stole a goldfish from a lady of smaller age and stature than he. He did not care much for the bowl in which she housed his new mate and promptly placed the goldfish in his pocket. Several days later, remembering how lonely he was, Richard the Ninth stole another goldfish from another tiny young person and, again, placed it in his pocket. Within a month, Richard the Ninth was lonelier than ever before and smelled distinctly of rotting fish.
