After the couch went so did the average level of comfort in his apartment. Trying to sit among the gaggle of boxes, empty shelves, and aged votive holders only made his back ache. So he stretched out on the hard wood floor thinking only of the shoes that had walked across it after walking across sidewalks soaked with dog urine. He sat up and shook off the urinary molecules, or rather attempted to shake them.
The computer chimed out as the e-mail slipped in: a response on the electronic finger stretcher. Perfect! Now he could make a swift five dollars on this electronic marvel that had cost him eighty-five only three months ago. He opened the e-mail and read: "Perfect! I've been looking for an electronic finger stretcher for months now! When can I pick it up?"
Any time today or tomorrow, he wrote, is there a time that works best for you? And send.
Another e-mail dinged its way in as somebody responded to the post about the high-density mixing bowl. "Du juu delivier diss?" the e-mailer inquired.
He had to think phonetically to communicate with this linguistic marvel. Maybe, he wrote, where are you located? And send.
The finger stretcher replied. "I can't come Monday."
Curious, he thought, Monday is four days from now. He read on. "Can you send more pictures of the finger stretcher? I don't know... will it fit on my fingers? You confused me now."
He took several more pictures of the finger stretcher from all angles and attached them to an e-mail. He wrote, the finger stretcher fits all finger sizes from gaunt to zaftig. And send.
A reply from the heavy bowl arrived. "E 256 and York. Cum 2mm.."
Um, he thought, um. This may work, he wrote, but I don't know what 2mm means. And send.
Finger stretcher seeker replied, "What year is it? Can you send me the specs on it and what you're giving me with it. Sorry to be a bother :) I am a college student. Maybe can you ship it to me or meet somewhere easier to get to? My fingers need stretching now. But I am confused because I am looking at another finger stretcher that looks cooler, but your price is better. I will still come to look. He he ;)"
Did this winking icon not even read the posting, he wondered as he retyped the technical specifications of the finger stretcher into the body of an e-mail. He wrote, shipping does not sound conducive to our situation as the finger stretcher is not very big. It was purchased six months ago, he continued, and if it's not cool enough, please tell me now so that I can offer it to someone else. And send.
Heavy bowl replied, "2mm.. Juu cm. Hau bigeg bul.."
This person may be trying to kill me, he thought.
Finger replied quickly, "Damn, that's old finger stretcher."
"I bought it six months ago!" he shouted at the innocent, by-standing computer monitor. He read on:
"Sorry to bother :0 ;) :P My finger stretched and not help. Ship it to my work and I will pick it up then. But I am confused if I want it. Mebbe just bring it to me. Ju delivier 2mm?"
Oh my, he thought, these two are the same person. He slowly reached for the keyboard.
Craig, he typed, is this Craig? And send.
He waited. No reply arrived, not that day or the next. He had unfurled the ouroboros and discerned between the mouth and head. He had exposed the madness by pinpointing the epicenter of the chaos. Craig did not want finger stretchers and heavy bowls. Rather, Craig started a list in order to drive the rest of the world into inanity and anarchy.
The computer chimed with the arrival of mail: someone inquiring about the gas-powered smoothie maker. "I like smoothies the most! How much gas does it take? ;()"
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