Division

The Union failed today when today the Union divided into two Unions – sub-Unions, they are now called, though half-Union and Union Junior were both bandied about for some time.

Sub-Union A fought a great deal for its title, deeming its former brethren, now foe, Sub-Union B. Sub-Union B would not stand as a secondary, hence lesser, Sub-Union and brought forth the proposition that they both be called Sub-Union A.

Sub-Union A opposed the proposition on the grounds that letters, composed primarily of spiteful, bitter words, between the two Sub-Unions would become confusing and unclear were they both addressed and signed by the same Sub-Union, that of Sub-Union A.

Sub-Union A, formerly Sub-Union B, then proposed that they be called Sub-Union A₁ and the other bastards call themselves Sub-Union A₂. This aroused more harsh words, debate, and the occasional tossed sausage to the eye.

Several hours later, the floor littered with sausages, it was discovered that a row over policy had caused a split in Sub-Union A₁, thus forming Sub-Union A_1A and Sub-Union A_1B.

Shortly thereafter, internal dissension arose in Sub-Union A_1B over the designation of the letter ‘B’ and whether it was lesser than ‘A’ or not. Further division of the Sub-Union was threatened until it was discovered that Sub-Union A_1B was comprised of one man, Mr. Artemis Dunday.

By day’s end, compromise had not been reached, angry words spouted continuously as the participants made their way to their cars, and several sausages were still reported missing.

Tomorrow’s agenda for the Sub-Unions includes possible further division of all Sub-Unions, a lengthy slide show, and a lunch of pulled pork. The day will conclude with a discussion of what it is exactly that the Union represents, currently designated TBA.