Richard the Ninth Dreams Big

As a child, Richard the Ninth dug three holes to spend in his time in for the three whole days that he was grounded. The first hole was Richard the Ninth's least favorite until he spent time in the second hole, which then became his least favorite, though after spending time in the third hole, Richard the Ninth dubbed that his least favorite. He could not say what made every hole his least favorite, but knew right awway that he loathed worms more than any other legless creature found in nature, even more than the snake, the skank, and, yes, the crisp. On the fourth day, Richard the Ninth filled the holes and vowed never to speak to another worm again.


As an adult, Richard the Ninth built a home at the bottom of a valley from the belief that landslides and earthquakes affected only those who lived atop mountains. What Richard the Ninth failed to realize was that the valley was a public park and, also, located just beneath a flood plain. Fortunately, out of habit, Richard the Ninth waterproofed everything he touched. Unfortunately, out of fear, he had never learned to swim. Richard the Ninth spent many nights atop the roof of his valley home until one night he made a crucial decision and abandoned his abode. Learning as much as he could from this life lesson, Richard the Ninth built his next home on the edge of a desert cliff many miles from civilization.