Open Letter of Lament

To: KING OF THE INTERWEBS
CC: jolly porter

Dear King of the Interwebs,

Breaking against his advice, I need to tell you that I miss the jolly porter. Announce it from high atop this fifth-floor walk-up just below the George Washington Bridge. THE JOLLY PORTER IS MISSED! I MISS YOU JOLLY PORTER!

I understand every reason the jolly porter put an end to his adventures -- now wait! The man behind the porter will have adventures on end, we will just not be reading and (often) re-reading them every couple of days or hours. I understand the reasons, but miss him all the same. He said his leaving was no one's fault but his own. I think that he saw TB and AG on the interwebs and the interwebs suddenly became passé. Also, I look fat in this and the porter only goes for phat.

In the spirit of further excruciatingly painful eulogizing, here for your enjoyment is a list.

WHAT I LOVED ABOUT THE JOLLY PORTER
by ZRZ: Space Pirate

1. Pictures of a bald man with a mustache.
2. Adventures in foreign lands that I have never been, complete with top hats and poet shirts.
3. Tales of an amazing family with more kids than I have ever met.
4. An inroad to the inspiring story of family and friends coming to aid a family in the face of great tragedy.
5. Pictures of a bald man with a beard.
6. The realization that a drama teacher in Utah leads a more exciting, jet-setting life than most everyone in the city that never sleeps.
7. The slightly perturbed look on the face of the porter at the size of the trunk perched on his shoulder.
8. Pictures of a bald man with a flower behind his ear.
9. Complaints about students disguised as essays on inclusion.
10. Lists of things to watch, read, see, and enjoy. Or else.
11. Pictures of a bald man who owns it!
12. Poetry for the sake of poetry.
13. Quick smiles on sour days.
14. Photo essays featuring a man with little to no hair and glasses that must be very good friends with the jolly porter.

And so it goes. Thank you, jolly porter. I... oh god, emotion. Let me just take a peek for old times' sake, and--



"PERMISSION DENIED
It doesn't look like you have been invited to read this blog. If you think this is a mistake, you might want to contact the blog author and request an invitation."

Just like that the locks are changed. The toothbrush removed. The stereo sold.

Then just goodbye. Goodbye.

Love eternal and creepy,

ZRZ: Space Pirate


P.S. Tell the bald man to give a call sometime. When he's not posing for photos.