The First of Many Deaths for Richard the Ninth

         Richard the Ninth believed with every fiber of his being that he heard an airplane land in his bedroom last night. He awoke to find no airplane, no passengers, no signs of landing damage, and no complimentary pack of peanuts. The only bit of evidence which vouched on his behalf was an open window. Fearing that his beliefs amounted to little more than fantastical dreams, he set to fabricating a fallen airplane from the collected items in his bedroom. His pillows became fluffy wheels, his pants made up the seats, and his immense set of collectible figurines from the GoWallCo Company became the passengers of the illy landed plane. Richard the Ninth decided that he must act as the pilot. Posing as a pilot proved to be the greatest challenge for Richard the Ninth was never allowed to drive a golf ball let alone pilot an aircraft. He set to work teaching himself the controls of his homemade flight deck. Within the hour, he was taking off from the carpeted runway, maneuvering in and out of bed sheet clouds, and instructing the passengers to observe San Giacomo's Water Mine, the largest sanctified mine in all of Australia.
          As he approached his final destination, Richard the Ninth realized his great error in never including the landing process in his self-made, self-taught course for new pilots. He turned to his co-pilot hoping for help, but found only a pair of tube socks with marked-on eyes. Richard the Ninth cursed his folly as his plane careened down to the ground nose first, landing in the Lapidian Sea fifteen miles from the Coast of Magonia. And there he spent his final rest, in the cockpit of his self-made plane with a host of dead passengers. No one ever found them. No one ever thought to look. Eventually, Richard the Ninth grew hungry, drifted from the destroyed remnant of plane, floated to the kitchen, and with the grace of a great spirit made a divine peanut butter sandwich.